30 seconds to encourage


If I had thirty seconds to convince someone to leave a domestic violence situation, I would say:

  • Do you cry yourself to sleep most nights?
  • Do you ever feel like your partner hears you?
  • Do you dread the weekends because your partner will be home?
  • Are you always tip toeing around on egg shells?
  • As you read this are you making excuses for your partner?
  • Does your partner make excuses for you, or are you tossed right under the bus?
  • Where’s your common ground with your partner?
  • Did you rearrange your life to fit your partner?
  • Does your partner get jealous when you talk or spend time with your friends?
  • Do you feel like you have more bad memories than good ones?
  • Does your partner get so angry when you disagree, that it scares you?
  • Does your partner have guns or knives around the house?
  • Does your partner threaten suicide?
  • These are just a few red flags, which should be a big warning to a potentially explosive situation.
  • Two years on the other side of an abusive relationship.
  • I have never been happier in all my life
  • I had no idea I was so strong and capable of so much
  • My kids are so much happier making every bit of the struggle was worth it
  • I am enough
  • I love my life
  • I can’t wait for the weekends (but weekdays are great too)
  • I’ve never once dreaded going home
  • It turns out, I’m not always wrong J
  • Little things don’t ruin the whole day…if you identified w/ the 1st list you know what I mean
  • My life is on a schedule and it’s a schedule that considers all of us
  • If there’s something I want to do, I can!! (Incredible feeling!!)
  • I’ve not once cried myself to sleep
  • I constantly go to bed wondering how I got so lucky


Let me just clarify. I’m not in a relationship. If you’re in a domestic violence situation do not draw on strength from another man to get you out, you are playing with fire! You are enough, I was enough. I had some really supportive family, extended family and friends that encouraged me through some of the really difficult times. But I was what I needed, I was what my kids needed. My divorce is final and I think dating now is an option, but sooner would have lent me a whole lot of extra drama. Some of the things I did to get me from stay at home mom to bread winner was:

  • I listed stuff on eBay
  • I started a house cleaning business
  • I offered to help a catering service when they needed extras
  • I made myself available to any odd job.
  • I’ve set with invalids
  • I’ve house/dog sat
  • I sold jewelry I had
  • I sold stuff at Plato’s closet and consignment stores
  • I went back to school which while it has been a hard thing to do, because I was a single mother of 3 I applied for every grant and scholarship available. And I applied myself, I got good grades and going to school has been profitable, it’s worth checking into.

You can do it. You’re enough. Live is for living not hiding. Show your kids what happiness looks like. Show yourself what freedom looks like. Be the boss you were born to be. You’re already living with regret STOP IT!


8 thoughts on “30 seconds to encourage

      1. becomingsomebodyagain

        Abuser abuse to feel power because they are too weak to find their strength like the norm. After living in a physically abusive relationship for years an being married to an emotionally abusive Narcissist. I realize how much we compromise to “keep the peace”. How trapping it feels to “stay”. I too went through all that you are going through and am just now learning to live again and going back to school. I’m learning what it means to love myself and I feel rich beyond money for having my 5 amazing children.

      2. learningtocry.wordpress.com

        Is it abuse when one party is angry all the time? When he reacts with anger when the other attempts to set boundaries? When he has that hateful look and stony silence that shouts loudly, “You better leave me alone”? When the other is too afraid of the response of anger and decides to stop bothering with bringing serious topics to the table…knowing the reaction will be anger or silence?

      3. reinventing the wheeler Post author

        Abuse is defined as the improper treatment to gain an unfair advantage. In a relationship that should be built on trust and unconditional love, improper treatment is even more hurtful usually because the victim is more vulnerable. If you think it’s abuse, I think you’re right.

      4. becomingsomebodyagain

        Yes that is abuse. He is using his anger to conteol you. It is no dif than a man throwing a chair up againat the wall when angry to scare you. Its a way of saying you better stop or else your next. Stonewalling, the silent treatment, they are all forms of mental and emotional abuse.

  1. becomingsomebodyagain

    Reblogged this on and commented:
    Such a powerful blog by a powerful woman. My heart goes out to any woman that has had to experience living in an abusive relationship or with a Narcisist. You are good enough. You can move on, the cycle has to stop somewhere.


    It’s all abuse.


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