Tag Archives: Health

30 seconds to encourage


If I had thirty seconds to convince someone to leave a domestic violence situation, I would say:

  • Do you cry yourself to sleep most nights?
  • Do you ever feel like your partner hears you?
  • Do you dread the weekends because your partner will be home?
  • Are you always tip toeing around on egg shells?
  • As you read this are you making excuses for your partner?
  • Does your partner make excuses for you, or are you tossed right under the bus?
  • Where’s your common ground with your partner?
  • Did you rearrange your life to fit your partner?
  • Does your partner get jealous when you talk or spend time with your friends?
  • Do you feel like you have more bad memories than good ones?
  • Does your partner get so angry when you disagree, that it scares you?
  • Does your partner have guns or knives around the house?
  • Does your partner threaten suicide?
  • These are just a few red flags, which should be a big warning to a potentially explosive situation.
  • Two years on the other side of an abusive relationship.
  • I have never been happier in all my life
  • I had no idea I was so strong and capable of so much
  • My kids are so much happier making every bit of the struggle was worth it
  • I am enough
  • I love my life
  • I can’t wait for the weekends (but weekdays are great too)
  • I’ve never once dreaded going home
  • It turns out, I’m not always wrong J
  • Little things don’t ruin the whole day…if you identified w/ the 1st list you know what I mean
  • My life is on a schedule and it’s a schedule that considers all of us
  • If there’s something I want to do, I can!! (Incredible feeling!!)
  • I’ve not once cried myself to sleep
  • I constantly go to bed wondering how I got so lucky


Let me just clarify. I’m not in a relationship. If you’re in a domestic violence situation do not draw on strength from another man to get you out, you are playing with fire! You are enough, I was enough. I had some really supportive family, extended family and friends that encouraged me through some of the really difficult times. But I was what I needed, I was what my kids needed. My divorce is final and I think dating now is an option, but sooner would have lent me a whole lot of extra drama. Some of the things I did to get me from stay at home mom to bread winner was:

  • I listed stuff on eBay
  • I started a house cleaning business
  • I offered to help a catering service when they needed extras
  • I made myself available to any odd job.
  • I’ve set with invalids
  • I’ve house/dog sat
  • I sold jewelry I had
  • I sold stuff at Plato’s closet and consignment stores
  • I went back to school which while it has been a hard thing to do, because I was a single mother of 3 I applied for every grant and scholarship available. And I applied myself, I got good grades and going to school has been profitable, it’s worth checking into.

You can do it. You’re enough. Live is for living not hiding. Show your kids what happiness looks like. Show yourself what freedom looks like. Be the boss you were born to be. You’re already living with regret STOP IT!



Back to school. Three words that will always bring a stir of memories. The first quarter of an average life most people spend in school, and its become such a center point that the new quarter life crisis term was coined. A common way to summarize the stress, of that life changing transition. So here I stand in my rear view mirror I see a 16 year marriage on the verge of fading into the distance. Six months ago I couldn’t see past the settling dust of ruins to even imagine myself going back to school. Six tiny months, you can’t even create life in six months, yet I’ve set out on the naive mission to change mine. Reinvent I like to say. Single mother, new student, spider killer, toilet fixer, toddler toter, bill payer, dinner maker. So far the best part is the deep breath I take when I walk through the front door. In the six months I’ve lived here, I’ve never once, walked in with dread. That alone has been known to reverse the signs of forehead wrinkles. The worst part is, it’s a lot. Different stress, the kind’ve buck stops here stress. I’m not lonely in the way my 14 yr old ask if I am, it’s more like I can’t let down my guard not once, never. I want my children be confident that I can handle anything. So the worse day, I don’t cry! Sometimes I wonder if I were to let go, to just have a good, bad day cry. Would the tears ever stop? The build up from the last six months has to be some sort of dramatic tending female sign of super power. Every single day the good out ways the hard. I’ve learned to sleep in the middle of the bed, I have both night stands! I get the entire closet, sweetness! I can buy anything, and I only have to explain it to myself, and I never ever have to explain why I took it back two days later, because myself already knows. I can make anything for dinner. A notable highlight came this week when a friend called to say that for her upcoming milestone birthday she was going to a condo with some friends for the weekend, could I come? Hold on, let me ask…..myself!!! Why yes, I can go. Defiantly a highlight, particularly for me given my highly controlled history. This new invention is like what my Humanities professor explained today as a relief, it’s carved outta something. The original is still there, but the new creation sorta seems to step out. Chipping off the old, I think that’s the hard parts. Once they’re gone all you can see is the new creation, whatever it once was, whatever was holding it back, now serves as a “pop” for the relief. I’ll take that, turn my old poop in to my “pop” factor..any day!